Honeymoon Blues

First off I would like to apologize for slacking the last 4 days. I have been in a serious slump. Nothing right now is making me happy. I was looking at suits for the men yesterday and hair pieces for me and was just blah about it all. And the honeymoon has become the biggest downer. I always thought when we planned for the honeymoon it would be fun and we would find a place we loved and that would be it. No, that is not it at all. It’s stress and frustration and tears. I don’t know if it’s the full moon that is tomorrow or that the wedding is fast approaching but I feel just frozen. Patrick and I are fighting over the hotel for the honeymoon and it’s just not turning into the picture I have in my head. I just always pictured going to Hawaii and staying in this beautiful resort with sparkling pools with waterfalls and tropical gardens that of course is right on the beach and close to local attraction but also makes you feel secluded if you want to. Like maybe say The Sheraton Resort & Spa.

Patrick has a friend that has been to Maui 6 times and their favorite hotel is Ka’anapali Beach Hotel. It’s described as “the most Hawaiian Hotel” and the rooms are huge but it’s a little dated, has one restaurant and a single pool that’s shaped like a whale, a whale really? That is so cheesy to me. I really am super picky about hotels I stay. Now that’s not saying that I only stay in Ritz Carlton or Four Seasons, in fact I don’t think I’ve ever stayed in one of those hotels. I was blessed enough that my parents could afford to take us on nice vacations and stay in Double Tree and the Embassy Suits but we also stayed a lot in Best Westerns and Holiday Inns when on the road. I just don’t want to stay in a Best Western on our honeymoon. And I am not saying this hotel is in any way shape of form a dump ... just not what I imagined staying at.

It could also be because last month Patrick told me he is going to Maui in February and staying at the Four Seasons. Now I would like to point out that neither of us has ever been to Hawaii and it has been a life long dream to go there. I thought it was really special because it would be a first for both of us and really be special. This isn’t something he was invited to, he is going with someone who is invited and as much as I know I should be happy for him, I just am not. If it had been anywhere in the world I would not care and he really does deserve to go. He works so hard all year and most of the year he is working 6 days a week. It’s that it’s Maui and 4 months before the wedding and costing us $500 that we desperately need for other things.

This entire thing is making me feel like a selfish, spoiled brat and it’s depressing. I even went to my first Piyo class last night (Piyo is a Pilates/Yoga hybrid class). It took my mind of everything while I was there but as soon as I left I was back to my Eeyore attitude. When I got home Patrick and I talked face to face since all day at work it was just through email. After arguing about the hotel his friend recommends he tells me to find the hotel that makes me happy. This makes me not happy because now I feel guilty and think I should just pick his hotel because it would make him happy even though he says he doesn’t care. See how I just over think and analyze everything? It’s way annoying right?

So today was yet another day stuck in my Eeyore funk. I have been a little more up and down which I guess is a plus. I am just second guessing myself and maybe we should just not do Hawaii at all. I don’t want something as silly as this to cause added stress to our already crazy lives. I need to realize that we are getting married and nothing else should matter ... Do you hear me brain?!?!